{"id":175335,"date":"2023-05-05T08:48:19","date_gmt":"2023-05-05T15:48:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/inbusinessphx.com\/?p=175335"},"modified":"2023-05-05T08:48:19","modified_gmt":"2023-05-05T15:48:19","slug":"five-ways-leaders-can-practice-responsible-generosity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/?p=175335","title":{"rendered":"Five Ways Leaders Can Practice Responsible Generosity"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Most leaders have been there: We see someone who needs help, and we quickly provide it, only to end up feeling taken advantage of. Maybe you helped an employee out of a financial jam, only to see them keep making bad decisions. Or you spent hours coaching a younger colleague and then watched him ignore your advice. Or you stepped in to \u201crescue\u201d a teammate who wasn\u2019t prepared and later realized that she now counts on you to save the day.<\/p>\n

Especially in a time of so much need, almost everyone feels the pull of generosity. But at the same time, we can\u2019t help but worry that our generosity isn\u2019t really helping the person in the long run\u2014or worse, that it will have negative consequences for us or the organization.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot knowing how to balance these impulses can create inner turmoil,\u201d says Gary Harpst, author of Built to Beat Chaos: Biblical Wisdom for Leading Yourself and Others<\/a><\/em> (Wiley, April 2023, ISBN: 978-1-3941584-0-9, $25.00). \u201cWe want to help other people, but are stuck wondering, Does this person even deserve my help?<\/em> or Am I being taken advantage of?<\/em> or even Is giving this person a fish keeping them from learning to fish themselves?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

These are very human feelings and valid concerns, asserts Harpst. And they pose a real dilemma for would-be givers and helpers. We shouldn\u2019t let these concerns harden our hearts to generosity. But on the other hand, constantly giving to people who are not maximizing their own time and resources might just be an invitation for them to squander ours.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cTo navigate this, we need to embrace a mindset that I call \u2018responsible generosity,\u2019\u201d says Harpst. \u201cIt requires us to examine our own motives and to really think about what the other person needs long-term. It is not a \u2018get out of giving free\u2019 card; in fact, it may require us to give more of ourselves, which is so much harder but also more meaningful than writing a check.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here are a few tips on practicing responsible generosity<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

Take a hard look at WHY you\u2019re giving. <\/strong>Are you a co-dependent giver? Do you help others because you have a deep need to feel good about yourself, to be loved and appreciated, or to be seen as the smarter, stronger, or more capable person? Are you doing it as a manipulation technique to get the other person to do something for you in return? Your focus should be on how the gift will impact the other person\u2019s life, not on what you\u2019re getting out of it, says Harpst.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor example, while we\u2019d all like for our generosity to be met with gratitude, do you find yourself thinking, Is this person acting grateful enough<\/em>?\u201d he advises. \u201cThis only sets us up for resentment when people don\u2019t react the way we think they should. Or, have you started thinking of yourself a \u2018savior\u2019 whose role is to swoop in and save the day?<\/p>\n

\u201cKeep your ego out of the equation and stop worrying about whether the other person \u2018deserves\u2019 it,\u201d he adds. \u201cVery few of us, if any, deserve<\/em> the grace and good fortunate that comes our way. Try to stay focused on the other person\u2019s needs and how you can truly help them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Make sure that by helping others in the short-term, you aren\u2019t setting them up for long-term failure.<\/strong> When we are constantly saving others from the natural consequences of their actions, we rob them of an opportunity to experience accountability. Because they\u2019re not motivated to do better, they don\u2019t improve and grow. By perpetually \u201chelping\u201d them, we keep them from ever becoming self-reliant. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to say no.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf your teammate has a pattern of coming to meetings unprepared, and you consistently pick up her slack, what you\u2019re teaching her is that you\u2019ll always be there to cover for her,\u201d he says. \u201cThis sets up a dangerous long-term pattern of reliance and makes it harder for her to learn responsibility. Better to let her experience the natural consequences of not doing the work. Constantly saving the day might feel good to you, but it\u2019s not helping her in the long run.\u201d<\/p>\n

Think beyond financial\u00a0giving.\u00a0Sharing your time and wisdom may be a more powerful form of generosity. <\/strong>There are many times when simply writing a check is not the best way to be\u00a0generous. Instead, we should think critically about how to be generous\u00a0with all our resources, including time and wisdom\/knowledge. If you know someone who is constantly in need of financial rescuing, the best way to help might be to guide them to a better way of living.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf an employee, coworker, or friend is frequently in trouble, we may have the time or money to offer immediate assistance, but guidance, coaching, and accountability are often more valuable,\u201d says Harpst. \u201cYou might offer to help with budgeting or time management, for example. Just be sure not to do it in a judgmental way; always come from a place of love. You might even ask them if they\u2019d like you to be their accountability partner in the future to help them stay on track.\u201d<\/p>\n

Consider setting reasonable conditions on gifts.<\/strong> If it\u2019s clear to you that a person is trapped in a self-destructive pattern, you can often help them break out of it by asking them to make small, incremental behavior changes in exchange for your assistance. Tell them up front that if they don\u2019t follow through, there will be no more help. Just be sure to use this tough love not as a club or punishment but as a motivation to change. Helping people \u201cwin\u201d by taking steps to improve their life is good for them and good for you too.<\/p>\n

\u201cI once had a friend who would frequently get into financial jams and ask for a \u2018loan,\u2019 which never got paid back,\u201d Harpst relays. \u201cHe was constantly job-hopping for an extra 50 cents an hour. Those jobs often looked better to him but turned out to be temporary; he would get laid off and come back asking for more. Finally, after yet another request, I agreed to help if he would agree to stay at his current job for a full year, regardless of how much more he could make elsewhere. He stuck to this agreement and learned the value of steady income that he could depend on.\u201d<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t try to go at it alone. Connect with networks that can amplify the impact of your\u00a0generosity.\u00a0<\/strong>Giving\u00a0money directly to people who need it is not always the best way to help. A classic example is when someone struggling with addiction uses a donation to buy drugs rather than food\u2014perpetuating the destructive cycle they\u2019re trapped in. Community networks are designed to help people through tough times. If you feel called to give, but lack the time\/energy to make sure your gift is used responsibly, find a partner in your community who can.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn most communities, there are amazing groups like churches, non-profits, and charity groups who stay hyper-focused on improving people\u2019s lives long-term,\u201d says Harpst. \u201cSupporting their work, and then helping connect them with those in need, might be the best way to help.<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore giving money, our church gets to know the family, their needs, and what is causing the issue\u2014and then gives strategically to help people address the root cause,\u201d he adds.<\/p>\n

Think about it this way, says Harpst: None of us have unlimited money, time, or energy. That\u2019s true of individuals, and it\u2019s true of companies. We must be good stewards of our resources or they will quickly be depleted.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe more responsible we are with our giving, the more we can<\/em> give,\u201d he asserts. \u201cIt\u2019s that simple. And giving, when it\u2019s done with the right spirit, feels great to everyone involved.\u201d<\/p>\n

Gary Harpst\u00a0is the author of\u00a0Built to Beat Chaos: Biblical Wisdom for Leading Yourself and Others<\/em>. He is the founder and CEO of LeadFirst. LeadFirst was founded in 2000 (as Six Disciplines) with a mission of building effective leaders and helping\u00a0small and mid-size companies manage change, grow, and execute.\u00a0Its four-part leadership development system\u2014comprised of people skills, data-driven management skills, management platform, and just-in-time learning\u2014helps organizations bring order out of this swirling chaos.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Most leaders have been there: We see someone who needs help, and we quickly provide it, only to end up feeling taken advantage of. Maybe you helped an employee out of a financial jam, only to see them keep making bad decisions. Or you spent hours coaching a younger colleague and then watched him ignore […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":163968,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_eb_attr":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[12],"class_list":["post-175335","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-leadership-management","tag-featured-stories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/175335","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=175335"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/175335\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=175335"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=175335"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.inbusinessphx.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=175335"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}